I only know how to go too far

Posts tagged “Humor

Follow Your Heart

My resting heart rate

My resting heart rate for the last six months or so!!

Since Twitter and I parted ways last June, I had a relaxing four months of funemployment where I was basically chilling and keeping it cool. I took my kids to school. I didn’t exercise or anything at first. I just kept it cool. I drank coffee with friends after dropping my kids off and maintained a manageable lunch schedule before picking my kids up again at the end of the day. Yeah I took some trips with family and friends and read a lot of comic books too. Cool comic books like The Walking Dead and Pretty Deadly. In other words, life was dead cool.

Then I went to talk to a few friendly folks at a company called Fitbit on September 2 and unexpectedly they gifted me a fitness tracker with a heart rate monitor! I went out for a run the very next day with my Charge HR and had a blast. All of a sudden I was running like three times a week! I decided it was time I got #MovingOn! Thanks to keeping it cool all summer, my resting heart rate was a cool 72bpm. And with regular exercises, I got it down an even cooler 67bpm! Cool!

But alas, that’s when life took a turn. I was so happy with my Charge HR, I started working at Fitbit. And once I started working, I stopped working out. And on top of that, I was stressing out because I wasn’t working out. Three months of indolence and stress kicked my resting heart rate up to a very uncool 82bpm. Then I remember, dude, you gotta keep it cool, right!? So I signed up for a cool gym and started working out again in February. And after two months or so, I’m happy to report that my resting heart rate is now back at a cool 65bpm! Very very cool.

So what’s the lesson here? You have to follow your heart. More importantly, with the right Fitbit tracker, you can also follow your heart rate too. And that’s real cool!


Whyever (A Poem)

What when where who why and how
Whatever century we are in now
Whenever a place we may go
Wherever we find someone to say hello
Whoever you may ask the following question
Why is whyever never in any conversation?
However hard you shall try
You will never ever know why
What when where who why and how
Cacao to whyever. Cacao!

Me Neither (A Poem)

Hey girl, when I saw you for the very first time
I thought immediately we had a connection
So rare, you know
Say… do you believe in love at first sight?
Well, me neither
Thank God we’re alike in that regard
But something is surely devine, right?
Kind of like a… you know destiny
Yeah, that’s it. Destiny
Because like some people believe in true love
Oh. Good. ‘Cause me neither
So glad we’re on the same page on that one too
Soul mate!? Pfff! Fairy tales for kids for sure
Yeah… for real
You know, girl, I’m so glad that you’re so easy to talk to
It’s kind of like comfortable you know
Chemistry is such a amazing thing. You feel the flow?
So true. Me neither
Because I respect that
Everybody needs space
Especially for a cool girl like you
Of course you don’t want to be called “girl”
No, that’s just so awesome because
Me neither

It’s Just Tofu, Dude!

Seriously, I love Basil Cha Cha in San Mateo.  They are a purely vegetarian Thai restaurant serving some of the most incredibly tasty and wonderfully healthy vegetarian dishes anywhere.  So I took my friend Deepa over there and we were like going over what to order.  For almost every dish, you can choose between veggie chicken (which is tofu), or veggie beef (which is also tofu), or tofu (which is well tofu), or veggie (which is you know veggie), or finally veggie shrimp (which is you guessed it tofu)!  But wait, why does veggie shrimp cost $1.00 extra?

I mean it’s not REAL shrimp.  A veggie shrimp is no more shrimp than a veggie chicken or a veggie duck because they are all tofu!  So why the heck is veggie shrimp $1.00 more like real shrimp?  I just don’t get it!  Is it because it’s so real that it costs just like shrimp?  LOL!

All You Can Eat is a Lie!!

Telling customers at your buffet restaurant not to waste food is bad enough.  Guilting them with social injustice is just tasteless (pun intended!)  😀  I mean people come to an all-you-can-eat restaurant to enjoy the over-abundance of food.  It’s a waste of food even if your customers manage to stuff all twenty tempura soft-shell crabs in their faces when only one would normally do.  By definition, all you can eat is wasting food.  So don’t open an all-you-can-eat restaurant if you can’t afford to waste!  That’s both hypocritical and crazy!

But you know what’s crazier?  The people who enjoy eating at buffet restaurants!  Believe me.  They are insane!  And there are a lot of them out there.  Why do people always seem to eat more than they normally would just because they are in a buffet restaurant?  Well, there are three primary reasons, all of them myths.  Let me tell ya!

  1. You have to get your money’s worth at a buffet.  That’s just delusional.  I submit to you that no matter how much you eat, you won’t make your money’s worth.  That’s because you don’t know the true costs of things.  Believe me when I say this: food is cheap!  The only thing cheaper than food is buffet food.  Yes, buffet food is even cheaper than regular food.  😀  True story!
  2. You can’t waste any food because there is a food shortage in many parts of the world.  If food shortage is your main concern and sole reason why you feel compelled to gulp down the small mountain of cocktail shrimps you brought back to your table, oh boy, you need help!  By the same crooked logic, you should jog to work everyday, farm your own vegetables and raise your own chickens in your own backyard, and barter your baby bakchoy and fresh eggs for your neighbors’ goat milk.  Yeah, that’s right.  Toss your iPads and head back to the real FarmVille.  The best way to be considerate is to eat responsibly and stop going to buffet restaurants, you morons!
  3. You want what that other guy has in his plate.  One common saying I hear over and over again in buffet restaurants — “oooooh, I didn’t know they had that, I’m gonna go back in line to get it!”  One word of advice: NO!  Just say no.  No, I don’t want to have what everybody else is eating.  No, I don’t have to sample everything in the menu.  No, I don’t want to have one omelet with cheese and one omelet without.  No, no, no, no.  NO!

My Favorite SNL Skits

Saturday Night LiveTonight I suddenly caught the Saturday Night Live fever and went to the Internet to rewatch many of my favorite SNL moments.  I’ve watched the show on and off for many years and have always admired the extremely talented comic cast like Steve Martin, Mike Meyers, Dana Carvey, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman, Chris Rock, Norm MacDonald, Adam Sandler, Maya Rudolph, Will Farrell, Andy Samberg, Tina Fey, Tracey Morgan, Fred Armisen, Amy Poehler, etc., etc., etc.  Below are some of my favorite favorite skits.  Enjoy!