Aight, if you haven’t watched the video above, then you are in for a HUGE surprise! I found out about this video from my former coworkers and friends over dinner a few weeks ago. To warn ya, I couldn’t even finish half of it the first time I watched it. So you might wanna sit down and grab onto something solid before viewing it. Go ahead and watch it before reading on. God bless and good luck!
So finally I did manage to watch enough of this video, my raw reaction was an unsettling mix of disbelief, anger, shame, and a nervous creepy kind of LOL. At first (like many of the onlookers) I was like “what the hell is going on?” Then I was like “this dude better man up RIGHT NOW!!” Next I was angry at the girl thinking “yo sister you’re not even pretty! Not at all! So WTF girl!?” (Some lady actually said that out loud in the video!) At last I broke down laughing uneasily. Finally I went to bed all worked up. All I could think of was…
Dark days ahead for Hong Kong men
The next day I shared the video with who else but all my Hong Kong guy friends. Their general conclusions were…
- This video is fake (I assure you that it’s not fake. Check out this Wikipedia page)
- Stay away from Hong Kong women (I assure you that this is good advice in general)
- Dark days ahead for all men (I assure you that this is how all guys felt right after)
So by this time I was like…
Dark days ahead for all men
Pretty serious business, right!? But then I was reading more about this incident which amazingly happened a few months ago without any of my knowledge! Turns out there were tons of backlash and public outcry against the slapper chick. She was even arrested by the police but the dude wouldn’t press charges so she was let go quickly. Score one for True Love! So apparently and quite justifiably, we’re now at the familiar stage…
Dark days ahead for Hong Kong women
No wonder all Hong Kong men prefer to find girlfriends outside of Hong Kong! But you know. After more thinking, this is nothing but a tragic case of abusive relationships caught on video. Most abusive behaviors occur behind closed doors so you don’t get to see them. And most instances of relationship violence are committed by men who are physically stronger then women. These two factors make this particular crime all the more unbelievable and extraordinary. But let’s not lose sight of the fact that in this video the slapper chick is the mentally stronger person here. And mental strength counts! All the classic abusive relationships require a mentally and emotionally stronger abuser AND a mentally and emotionally weaker victim. That’s why abuse victims don’t just walk out of their abusive relationships because they feel mentally and emotionally trapped. In this video, we don’t immediately think of the dude as the abuse victim because he’s a dude and that’s counter-intuitive. But abusive relationships are so much more than just physical dominance. Domestic violence is ugly and you can stare at it right in the face in this video. This is dark and serious shit, yo! Abusive relationships are bad for all victims: men and women.
Dark days ahead for all
Well, I’m not done yet. Now after all that, this video can hopefully be used to highlight the ugliness and destructive powers of abusive relationships. Thanks to technology, we can now share these videos virally and provided that we associate the right kind of commentary and awareness with them, we can begin to educate and teach everyone how to spot these crimes and help the helpless. So…
Dark days ahead for all abusers
Guys, you are now free to date Hong Kong chicks.
But still I don’t recommend it!!
Not quite the Chicken or the Egg
But no ordinary trivia
Choose one or the other
More like the Princess or the Faery
To whom you shall marry
This is no paradox
Enigma or conundrum
Because the answer is clearly
(01:46:49 AM) bryce: i gotta write up a blog post
(01:47:24 AM) Joyce: about what?
(01:47:31 AM) bryce: free will
(01:47:46 AM) Joyce: what made you decide to write about that?
(01:47:58 AM) bryce: well, obviously!!!
(01:48:16 AM) Joyce: lol
If you had listened to the Radiolab broadcast called No Special Now (or related ones like Choice or Is Free Will Really Free?), you would have learned that free will often times seems like an illusion. In other words, your brain is merely fooling you into thinking that you had made a decision to call Sarah while in fact that decision has already been made for you even before her beautiful face entered your conscious thought. This idea was pioneered by Harvard professor of psychology Daniel Wegner. So in other words, you’re not really in control even though your brain tells you that you are. I disagree.
Well, here’s why. Just because it’s NOT your brain that came up with the idea to tell you to call the princess of your dreams doesn’t mean it’s not free will. Guys know what I’m talking about. Obviously it’s your little bro telling your brain to tell you to call Sarah! But that’s still your little bro, bro! It’s still you! That little bro ain’t somebody else’s little bro. Or the devil’s, right? Hello! You wit’ me!? Who says free will has to live inside your brain, bro!? It don’t! Free will lives inside of you! And any body part in you should be able to step up and tell you what to do!! That’s still free will, my friends! Free your mind, bro!
Just to make sure you understand what I’m talking about. Your little bro is your heart.
Listen to your heart!
Here is a true conundrum to all of us nerds who are also capable of romantic endeavors aka matters of the heart not just of the mind (or brain if you are so neurologically inclined). Imagine the not-too-distant future where teleportation is just another commonplace green technology to rid us of our dependence on fossil fuel, much like the electric car. Yay! Beam me up, Scotty! Or Geordi if you belong to my generation. But in any case, don’t you realize that if teleportation were indeed possible, that would imply that we could clone people!? I’m talking about the technological prowess to break down and transport all necessary information right down to the atomic/molecular level and re-ensemble all of it to teleport me from Chinatown in San Francisco to Koreatown in Los Angeles. Yay! Beam me up now!
You see? If we can do that, what’s to prevent us from sending the same information to Seoul, Korea at the same time? Man, I could be paying a visit to two different room bangs in two different cities simultaneously! The physics of cloning is now clear! Cool!
Not so cool! Because that would really mess things up. Biologically, that means I would live forever because I could just keep replicating my transported self over and over again. However, this conundrum is not relevant at this time. A later blog post perhaps? What’s really upsetting to us romantic nerds is that cloning is a direct assault to the holy concept of “The One” aka “True Love”. By definition, “True Love” is one-and-only (c.f. how to find true love) so how can we have two of me if I’m your “The One”. Right, girl? Baby, I can explain… Please don’t run away… Hey, where you going!?
See the conundrum!? But wait! Maybe we can’t really transport anything perfectly because there is that problem of quantum coherence (look it up!) Maybe it’s not really the same old me that shows up in K-town!? I swear I feel like a different person in K-town but that’s a different story. Anyway, if the teleported me isn’t me, that would mean that we’re not technically teleporting! So what do I give up: scientific fantasy or romantic fantasy?
I’d like to be left alone
I’m not here to make friends
I just want to go home
I might smile or laugh a lot
But that doesn’t mean I’m friendly
To me you seem too nice
I have no choice but to cut you off cold
The more gifts you give
The more distance I’ll keep
Don’t think I’m bad or anything
I live by God’s good word
So please don’t tell me your name because I’ll forget everything
Hey girl, when I saw you for the very first time
I thought immediately we had a connection
So rare, you know
Say… do you believe in love at first sight?
Well, me neither
Thank God we’re alike in that regard
But something is surely devine, right?
Kind of like a… you know destiny
Yeah, that’s it. Destiny
Because like some people believe in true love
Oh. Good. ‘Cause me neither
So glad we’re on the same page on that one too
Soul mate!? Pfff! Fairy tales for kids for sure
Yeah… for real
You know, girl, I’m so glad that you’re so easy to talk to
It’s kind of like comfortable you know
Chemistry is such a amazing thing. You feel the flow?
So true. Me neither
Because I respect that
Everybody needs space
Especially for a cool girl like you
Of course you don’t want to be called “girl”
No, that’s just so awesome because
Hey, Love Bird! You! I’m talking to you, Love Bird! When your lady whispers into your ear that you’re the one she’s dreaming of and that your heart fits her like a glove, she is undoubtedly confessing to you that she’s found her true love in you. And by definition that means you two are destined to be soul mates and to live happily ever after, perfectly matched like Prince Charming and Snow White. The two of you are so blessed that you’ve overcome the incredible odds of locating and then consummating with the one and only person in the entire Universe who’s been hand picked by Aphrodite the Goddess of Love herself to be your soul mate, your true love. Life is good.
But of course that’s a load of crap! You probably can’t even say with reasonable certainty that the chick you are with right now is better for you than any other women that live within a 10-block radius from your home let alone the entire Universe! Hey, Love Bird, let’s not even discuss whether you’re the best man for her. You know the answer to that one. In order for you to be sure that the person you end up with is really your true love, your one and only, you would have to have had a relationship with every other person for comparison. And that is clearly a prohibitively non-scalable problem to solve, given the finite resources a normal human being has, along with traditional societal restraints…
But fear not, Love Bird! Armed with a basic understanding of probability theory and elementary calculus, you too can find true love. Or should I say… you too can maximize your chances at finding your effective true love or ETL. How? Behold the powers of mathematics! Who would have thought that one of the fifty challenging problems in probability can provide the recipe for finding your ETL? Here is the problem stated in its original form.
#47. Choosing the Largest Dowry The king, to test a candidate for the position of wise man, offers him a chance to marry the young lady in the court with the largest dowry. The amounts of the dowries are written on slips of paper and mixed. A slip is drawn at random and the wise man must decide whether that is the largest dowry or not. If he decides it is, he gets the lady and her dowry if he is correct; otherwise he gets nothing. If he decides against the amount written on the first slip, he must choose or refuse the next slip, and so on until he chooses one or else the slips are exhausted. In all, 100 attractive young ladies participate, each with a different dowry. How should the wise man make his decision? [**]
For those nerds who would rather attempt to solve the above problem, stop reading now and heed my spoiler alert! Otherwise, read on!
Obviously you can’t date everybody in the Universe and see who’s the best. I know you would but you couldn’t. Realistically and statistically a normal human being in the civilized world has only about 15 years of mating window to snare a life partner. Suppose it takes you an average of 12 months to figure out whether she’s worth it or not (one-night stands and those you pay money for don’t count okay?), that yields a sampling size of 15 in your lifetime. Fifteen serious relationships is quite a lot, my friend. For those who’s handsome and charming and can multi-task like myself, the sampling size or mating pool size may be larger. For those who usually wait a long time before the fish take the bait, the subset of the mating Universe is naturally smaller. Whatever the case may be, you need to estimate your sampling size. Once you have that number in mind, then your objective now is to find the best one among this subset of the Universe. That person is your effective true love or ETL. Fine, she may not be the best in the Universe. But she’s the best in your Universe. Tell her that. She won’t care about the difference if she loves you. Hence the term effective! Of course you cannot score your entire subset and then pick out the best person and go back to her. (Does the phrase “the one that got away” ring any bell to you losers out there?) Once you say adiós, she’s off the radar and will no longer be available (probably because she hates you or you hate her or both). So you have to determine whether the person you’re “sampling” (statistically speaking) at the moment is the best of the lot or not. Once you commit, she’s either the one or she’s not. Don’t you see? The problem of finding your ETL is isomorphic to the problem of finding the largest dowry!
Final spoiler alert!
So you say, give me the damn recipe already! Sure! If you are smart like me, your intuition would tell you to never take the first woman as your ETL, because the probability that she’s the best of the lot is only 1/N, where N is your mating pool size. We’re talking about true love here, pal! Are you really gonna meet your true love on your first… date… ever? Most normal people would date a few more different people before they “settle down” and that is in fact the right strategy. This strategy becomes optimal when you figure out when to start “settling down”. If you are smart like me, your mathematics will tell you that for large N the optimal point to start settling down is N/e where N is the aforementioned mating pool size and e is the base of the natural logarithm (aka 2.718281828). In fact, for large N, the probability that this “settling down” strategy will yield true love is 1/e which is like 37%. That’s incredibly high for finding true love! (To dim wits, as N approaches infinity, effective true love becomes true love!)
The recipe of finding your effective true love is now clear.
- Decide your mating pool size
- Date, score, and dump the first N/e girls or guys whichever the case may be (it’s important that you do this part sincerely to get accurate scores and also to avoid getting killed)
- Continue dating until you score a person that has higher score than anybody preceding
- Once you find that highest scorer, marry her and live happily ever after (oh, you probably should stop statistically sampling more girls at this point)
Of course there are always those party poopers out there who complain what if the highest scorer happened before N/e was reached? Well, then I say to you, it’s just not meant to be, losers! 😀